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     A Pro-Marriage, Pro-Family, Christian-Friendly Surviving Infidelity Resource   Tell Someone How to Find Our Site

 

 

 

 
 

 

Your Marriage is not Hopeless After an Affair

 

Surviving infidelity and healing your relationship is possible.

 

If you have spent any time browsing infidelity support forums on the web, chances are that you have already heard about the success that many real-life couples have attributed to "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect After Your Affair".  Or maybe your marriage counselor directed you to this site because they've seen dramatic results, too. 

 

But no matter how you found our site, we're glad you did - every marriage deserves a fighting chance for renewed hope and reconciliation.  That's why we're here!

 

Our reader-acclaimed pdf download is a unique and human examination of the emotional issues that invariably follow affair discovery and a practical road-map that the offending partner can utilize to contribute to the recovery of his or her marriage.  It's a full-length, 152 page book written by a former betrayed spouse to help the offending marriage partner in their efforts to save and heal their marriage. 

 

It's currently the only infidelity book available that concentrates exclusively on the role of the unfaithful partner during the early stages of affair discovery.

 

"Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect After Your Affair" effectively tackles the tough emotional issues that surface after an affair is discovered, including: grief, anger, bitterness, distrust, retaliation, embarrassment, emotional exhaustion and unforgiveness.  And unlike many traditional self-help books, it doesn't dabble into pop psycho-babble.  Instead, it outlines a concrete and practical plan that anyone who sincerely desires to rebuild his or her marriage after an affair can understand and employ with success.

 

Why has "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect After Your Affair" helped so many couples struggling with infidelity? 

 

Because it immediately addresses the volatile emotional extremes associated with affair discovery, unlike many traditional approaches that can work to prolong the pain and anger for both marriage partners - further contributing to the instability of the marriage.  These theoretical approaches further contribute to the instability of the marriage by focusing on the marriage as a whole without first dealing with the injured spouse's emotional response to affair discovery, even though research and real-life experience says that this actually is not the best approach!

 

 

Despite clear statistics supporting that a couple is more likely to remain married if an extramarital affair is thoroughly explored through counseling:

59% of couples in counseling said that their therapist mainly focused on general marital problems, not the affair; and
23% of couples in counseling said that their therapist encouraged them to quickly cover highlights of the affair, then move on.

*Overview of Report of Survey on Extramarital Affairs by Peggy Vaughan

 

 

That's why "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect After Your Affair" was written - to help the offending marriage partner effectively confront the emotional responses that follow affair discovery, so that his or her marriage can begin to heal.

 

Key points include:

Why you're the partner who can profoundly change your marriage at this time.

The #1 cause of unforgiveness after an affair.

Why respect is  crucial to marital stability.

Why forgiving yourself will make it easier for your spouse to forgive you.

How to avoid 2 common emotional attitudes that enable failure.

How to recognize emotional priorities that can sabotage your best efforts to save and heal your marriage.

20+ statements that you should never make to your spouse after an affair and why.

Why the people who love you the most will give you the worst advice concerning your marriage.

How to conserve time and energy while working faithfully to restore your marriage.

How to reduce the likelihood of a retaliatory affair.

How to avoid "warfare" in your marriage.

How to help your spouse get over their anger in a timely manner.

How to reduce the likelihood of bitterness.

How to stop arguments dead in their path.

How to end any embarrassment you or your spouse feels over the affair.

What you can do to work on your marriage if your spouse requests separation.

And much more...

 

 

"Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect After Your Affair" was offered on a payment-optional basis until 2003 - there's now a required download fee.  Currently, the fee is $19.97. We are not a non-profit organization, and the download fee is not tax-deductible. Once your fee is processed, you are provided with instant access to the ebook. The download fee is fully refundable for up to 30 days if you are not satisfied with the ebook file after download.  If you cannot afford the download fee or are not able to download for any other reason, click here.  We  gift a number of downloads every month and respond to emails promptly.

 

 

To download  "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect
After Your Affair"
by Katie Coston in an instant pdf format click here.

 

 

What real people, just like you, have said about the ebook:

 

"I think it has to be the best book available for the wayward spouse.  So many books don't tell us exactly what we can do to help our spouses heal."  
- An Offending Husband

"... there is so much good stuff in there that can be used by both of us that I plan to give it to my wife to read after we're well into our healing."   
- An Offending Husband

"It's an excellent starting point for any unfaithful spouse who finds themselves at a loss for what to do to start rebuilding."  
- An Offending Wife

"I downloaded your book and read it through and it is fantastic. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to bear your heart in order to help others in the same situation."
- An Offending Husband

"I'm amazed. I can't tell you how much it's helped me look at things differently."  
- An Offending Husband

"Your book has done more for us than months of counseling did."
- An Offending Husband

"
Without it I would be clueless. Thanks! You are a true blessing."
- An Offending Husband

"It was concise, direct and blunt without judging. ...it will help our marriage and I'd recommend it to anyone who had an affair."  
- An Offending Husband

"I wish I read your book last year...now I understand what I've been doing wrong." 
- An Offending Husband

"It's honest, objective, and practical...we were having a real hard time when I found [your web site] and I was grateful for the help." 
- An Offending Husband 

"My wife tells me she has found it to be very eye opening. She's seeing the issues more clearly from my point of view."  
- A Betrayed Husband

"My husband isn't a big reader and doesn't read self-help books at all but he was over 1/3 of the way through before he ever put it down the first time...I've already seen changes in his attitude."  
- A Betrayed Wife

"This book made a huge difference in my husband's attitude..."  
- A Betrayed Wife

"I thought the book was excellent because it addresses so MANY things that are currently missing in our reconciliation..." 
- A Betrayed Wife

"You can't imagine what a difference you've made in my life..."  
- A Betrayed Spouse

 

 

To download  "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect
After Your Affair"
by Katie Coston in an instant pdf format click here.

 

For additional information on the ebook, please see the January 2004  'Q&A' chat with Katie at the end of this page.

 

 

Did you know?

 

According to CDC's National Center for Health Statistics, approximately:

          3,000 couples in the U.S. get divorced each day - well over 1 million per year;
          20-25% of these people are divorcing for the second or third time;
          50% of all divorcing couples have children under the age of 18;  
          12 million U.S. families were headed by a single parent during 2000; 
          1 out of 3 U.S. children do not live with both parents;
          17% of all children in the U.S. will suffer a divorce this year;
          Second marriages will end 23% sooner than first marriages; and
          Third marriages will end 43% sooner than first marriages.

As well, it is scientifically supported that children of divorced parents suffer a higher than average divorce rate as adults - divorce is a legacy that is passed down from one generation to the next.

These public divorce statistics are alarming, but most people don't have access to follow-up statistics concerning a divorce after the affair of one partner:

           80% of couples who divorce as the result of an affair later regret their decision to divorce.*

And the statistics for affair-born relationships are even more extreme: 

          Fewer than 10% of all extramarital affair relationships will actually result in a marriage between
          the two affair partners;* and

          If an affair-born relationship does result in a marriage, 3 out of 4 of those couples can expect their new

          marriage to also end in divorce.*  

What does this mean?

It means that for every 100 extramarital relationships - less than 10 of the unfaithful spouses will actually marry his or her affair partner.  If the affair partners do marry,  75% of those marriages will also end in divorce - which means that at best, less than 3 out of every 100 affair born relationships will result in a marriage that does not end in divorce! (And this doesn't take into account marital separation, only legal divorce, which brings the success rate down from the already generous but alarmingly low 2.5%!) 

*Staheli, Lana, Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Understanding, Preventing and Surviving An Affair. New York, NY: HarperCollins, 1995. & Vaughan, Peggy, The Monogamy Myth. New York, NY: Newmarket Press, 1989.

 

 

To download  "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect
After Your Affair"
by Katie Coston in an instant pdf format click here.

 

Solution Graphics

 

 

A January 2004 'Q & A'  chat interview excerpt with Katie:

 

(Please note - Due to overwhelming amounts of email, Katie is no longer accepting messages through this site.  Please email only for technical support)

 

Q. Why would you write a book for the wayward spouse if you were the betrayed spouse?

 

A. To give the partner who had an affair the tools to assist in their spouse's healing at a time when emotions are usually surging out of control.  Many times, the person who had an affair really wants to help, to repair, to fix what they've done - they just don't know how to do it.  It is the book that was much needed but didn't exist when I discovered an affair in my own marriage...so I wrote it to help other couples dealing with infidelity.  

 

Q. Why do you recommend that the betrayed spouse not read the book?

 

A. They certainly can read the book, there's nothing in the book that would cause them alarm.  I've even had a few betrayed spouses write to me to tell me how much better they understand their own emotions from having read it.  But the book will work best if the betrayed spouse doesn't read it.  It's an opportunity for the offender to hear about the pain and trauma of affair discovery from someone else - an outside party.  Then they have the ability to reflect on the information without feeling as if they're being put through a test - will he or she take the advice or won't they?  If the book turns into a "walk the line" trial, then it won't help anyone.  But if it is used as a practical resource by one party, the results can be profound.

 

Q. How do you know the results can be profound?

 

A. Because of the enormous amounts of email that I've received from readers.  Most people write to tell me that within a week or two of working through the book, their home-life dramatically improved as did their outlook on the future of their marriage.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, many are excited about the future, hopeful in their marriages, and even falling in love with their spouse all over again.  It's not uncommon for a letter to start "When all hope was gone, I searched for help and found your book..."   It breaks my heart to know that I almost didn't write the book at all - it was a project that brought back a lot of painful memories and I put off writing it for quite a while. But now I get so much joy out of reading how the book has helped other couples, especially couples with children - that it was well worth the pain of writing.

 

Q. So you get lots of emails from your readers?

 

A. It varies a great deal, but I usually receive at least one each day.  Some days there's one, but the highest I counted in a single day was twelve - then I quit keeping track. The high response rate is probably because I encouraged reader response at the end of the book [1st edition].  As a result, I've had to make sure that all site emails come to me first, even if they are just for tech issues, because most of the emails are personal and I want to be sure that I'm the only one who reads material that was meant for my eyes only.  There really is a bond of friendship incorporated throughout the book.  I'll never forget the time, soon after I started distribution, that I got an email from someone who told me that he'd lost all of his friends because of his affair and that I was the only person left who cared enough (through the ebook) to help him try to undo the damage that he'd caused in all of his relationships - not just his marriage.  He thanked me for my friendship.  It was pretty humbling experience.

 

Q. How so?

 

A. Well, of course, I'd originally hoped that the ebook would help many couples - but it never crossed my mind that the book might be the sole source of support or encouragement for some people.  Since then I've had several people write to say that they read the ebook more than three or four times over, and that the ebook was all they had to hang on to for a while.  As a betrayed spouse who was devastated by affair discovery, it certainly opened my eyes to some intense pain on the other side of the fence.  I thought I had a lot of compassion before, but it doesn't compare to how I feel now for the spouse who is truly remorseful.

 

Q. Some betrayed spouses feel leery of having their husband or wife read a book that they haven't read, for fear that the book will encourage manipulation tactics or point the finger at them for causing the affair.  What would you say about that?

 

A. I would say that the book encourages honesty and integrity - not manipulation.  The basis of the book is to treat the other person with kindness, concern, and empathy as a long-term solution and not a quick-fix.  The book also encourages accountability and responsibility, so there's no finger pointing at the betrayed.  My having compassion for the offender doesn't lessen the compassion I feel for the betrayed - I was the betrayed!  The book was written to benefit both partners, but through the actions and understanding of one partner.

 

Q. Is the book meant to take the place of professional counseling?

 

A. Not at all.  It's a starting ground from which to build, and I encourage couples to pursue professional counseling in the book.

 

Q. You are not a counselor, though?

 

A. No, I'm just an average person who experienced infidelity in my own marriage and made all of the common mistakes - even after having read most of the available material on the subject.  You won't find the standard list of pop-theories on why an  affair happens, etc. in the book.  There's enough of those resources out there already, some of which the counselors themselves can't agree on.  Instead, the ebook is a practical, hands-on, concrete, and realistic approach to the beginning stages of repair - accepting the reality that an affair actually did happen, regardless of why - and picking up the pieces in the aftermath.  There are quite a few counselors who recommend the book to their clients, though. Maybe 1 out of 10 people say that they either read their counselor's copy or that their therapist specifically sent them to the site.

 

Q. Would you say that there has been a pattern to the types of couples that the book has helped most?

 

A. Definitely - it most often helps the person who is sincere in their desire to rebuild their marriage!  Betrayed spouses have also told me that it helps with what they call "the fog", too - when the offender is in denial over the trauma that the affair has caused to the marriage.  Other than this, we've had people write from many different parts of the country and all walks of life - from doctors to housewives to the unemployed, old and young.

 

 

 

 

To download  "Infidelity Crisis: How to Gain Forgiveness and Respect
After Your Affair"
by Katie Coston in an instant pdf format click here.

 

 

 

 

Surviving infidelity and healing after an extramarital affair is possible.

 

A Pro-Marriage, Pro-Family, Christian-Friendly Surviving Infidelity Resource

Tell Someone How to Find Our Site

 

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